Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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