Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
