Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
