I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
