I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
