oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
