last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
