I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
