Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
