So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I died a long time ago.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize