Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
