Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I AM VODKA MAN
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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