I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize