Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize