he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
