I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
