they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
