i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Randomize
