I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
