Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
