He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
