Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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