I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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