Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
