mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
