okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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