Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
