I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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