This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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