It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
