is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
