i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
