I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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