My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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