What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
