Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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