i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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