I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize