Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Everclear isn't food dammit
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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