I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
