..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
