last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize