I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
