You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
