Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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