I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
