Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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