Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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