Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
