I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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