You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
