i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
youre lurking in front of me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
