So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Randomize
