I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
