So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
