Welp...herpes.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize