hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
