I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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