I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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