Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
