My sheets look like a crime scene.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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