3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
