I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
