R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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