dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
