I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone shattered a urinal.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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