i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Non-Jews are for practice
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
