Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Someone signed my nipple.
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