My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
