One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
