It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
