i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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