I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
