Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
