he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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