you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize