I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
