Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
her vagine was all disorganized.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
