I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
