I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
