You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
