Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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