take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
