glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it's like iHOP with fire
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
