How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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