If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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