I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
