OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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