dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
