I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
