FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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