Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She's the barista slut.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
