The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
