I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
