Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
