is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
