we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
