it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
