I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
