bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
