if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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